How cliché and hurtful to hear the phrase “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”. It’s a crock. It’s a noble attempt for the speaker to feel good about ending a relationship. They say this to ease their own pain and to make themselves feel like they bowed out gracefully. It’s bull. There’s usually something else going on and the recipient usually feels a loss and at fault. You are either loved or you’re not. That’s the bottom line. So which is it? The recipient struggles to find out and enters the darkest of hours searching their heart and soul trying to find out.

It hurts to hear similar phrases. The recipient feels that there may be a chance if they are still loved in any fashion. They may also have found guilt in themselves for many different reasons. They will rationalize their own behavior and lay the entire blame on themselves. It’s a natural instinct to do so, but it is so unfair. The recipient will go through many phases of emotions; hurt, remorse, anger, and the list goes on and on. This dark moment can disrupt their lives and cause so much harm. They will go through a period where they can’t eat, sleep, and function properly in their daily activities. Why? They are still in love.

The emotional roller coaster is relentless. The best advice for this person who is hurting is to share their thoughts and feelings with family, friends and trusted co-workers. Don’t keep it bottled up inside. Keeping it to oneself with only intensify the lasting effects. It’s difficult to be strong in such a situation, and the person hurting can not do it alone. Support is the best way to easy the pain, even if the person feels like a failure or embarrassed over the particulars of the failing relationship.

The most important thing is to go through the emotions. Let it all hang out, so to speak. Whether in private or among trusted individuals, just let it out. It’s amazing what kind of relief you can have by sharing your thoughts and true emotions. Break down and cry. Shout if you want. It doesn’t matter. Just get it out. It’s part of the healing stage.

Denial is a natural feeling also, but there will come a time when true reality kicks in. It’s a state of mind. How you vent that denial or accept it will determine your next course. It’s also a part of the healing stage or acceptance. There is no right way or wrong way to do this, but you will come to the point where anger kicks in.

Don’t let thoughts of revenge rule your state of mind. It’s so easy to find ways to seek revenge. It’s a natural defense, but it’s not worth it. Remember, you are much better than that. Don’t allow yourself to stoop to a level that you will later regret. Try your best to be yourself. Don’t do anything out of the norm, whether you have accepted the end of the relationship or have decided to sit back and see what happens. Be an adult and one day you will be proud of the way you handled you the situation.

The one thing you can do is reassure yourself that you did nothing wrong. Your partner had the obligation of communication. If something was wrong, they should have spoken up. They would have done this if they truly ‘loved you’. That’s not much consolation in your time of grief, but it’s the truth.

If you and your partner can work through this dark moment in your relationship, then that’s a victory that will forever create a bond that will be so difficult to break. It will prove to build a stronger relationship than you ever have imagined. Sometimes it takes a traumatic moment in our lives to acquire a solid foundation. We make think we have it but the test of time and life’s trials will prove whether or not we can build that sort of foundation.

It’s going to hurt your heart and soul, but if it was meant to be, it will. Have faith. There is always a purpose in life and we may never understand it at that the time, but someday we will.

Patience is the worst part. It’s a virtue that will pay off in the end, no matter the outcome of your ordeal, whether you believe it or not.

The grass is always greener on the other side, and it’s natural to want to purchase a gallon of ‘Round-Up’ and kill it. Have patience. Crab grass can grow everywhere but it’s the ‘weed and feed’ that builds that everlasting strong relationship.

Elaine Lemons is an author on a site for
Creative Writing (http://www.Writing.Com/). Visit her portfolio at http://www.writing.com/authors/october2002

I wrestled with this question many times in the past. What would happen is that I would reach a slump in the internet scene and then focus solely on bars and clubs, and when I reached a slump there I would go back to the internet. But in between all that I had success with both so I was forced to conclude that both work.

It’s also more fun if you do both. You get together with a girl from the internet and you can talk about the fun you had the other night at the club. In both cases you are dealing with people, and one can make sense of the other.

There is a balance though. If you focus on either one too much you will burn out. So mix it up. What i’ve done sometimes is come home from the bar and logged on and chatted with girls who also came home from the bar - and in a few cases they were at the same bar!

This is great social proof. You catch the attention of a someone online who saw you at the clubs. And what a great way for the introductions to happen and get the ball rolling.

Copyright © 2006 Vittorio Norman

Whether you call it moral or sacred, spiritual or common sense, a truly successful relationship is guided by one question — “What would love do now?

It’s not “What’s in it for me?” And it’s not “How can I manipulate to get more than my share?” And it’s never “I’ll go without to prove my love.” Love only wants what will be in both of your best interests. To define love in action, it couldn’t be any other way.

You see, love is an equal opportunity verb. It loves by doing — so when true love is present both of you are actively giving and receiving. Never just giving, refusing the gifts of love to feign modesty, to avoid embarrassment or discomfort. No, love has us accept what is given to us graciously and with heartfelt respect for the gift of the giver.

At the same time, love requires that we see who the other person is and give in ways that are best suited to that person. It’s not what we think they should have, it’s what will fulfill the other person’s needs and desires.

Love never puts anyone down and never causes anyone intentional harm. Love is always an expression of greater good for everyone involved. It is a form of practical spirituality in action.

When you guide each day, each challenging difficulty between you with the question, “What would love do now?” notice the times when your personality, your ego is in conflict with love’s purposes. You feel stubborn! You want your own way! And you want it now! At those times, take a moment to ask yourself, “Right now, what is more important than love?” And then figure out why . . .

Usually the answer is going to be self-protective. You feel you need to be right, because to be “wrong” or to concede that there’s more than one way to do something would wreck your self-image or your expectations.

Or, you might feel you have to give in to what your lover demands because otherwise you’ll end up alone. Yet you must realize that giving in just produces what you don’t want. It makes you invisible to your partner and seals your isolation behind a false front, wrecking any real possibility of creating a true relatedness between equals.

Once you get your answer to “Right now, what is more important than love?” stop to recognize the truth of what you’ve discovered about yourself. And then ask yourself again, “What would love do now?” Because now it is you who needs the force and concern of love to help you grow out of your sabotaging self-centeredness.

You must face into the question of what love would do now to provide compassion for yourself, to help you open up to a larger love than you’ve ever known before. You may have to give up false notions about what love has meant for you, and/or lies you’ve believed about your unworthiness.

And you will now have to learn better how to love yourself — as is. And require that your partner do the same.

Please continue the process of asking “What would love to now?” until love has won out and so has your relationship!

Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski share the secret of life-long romance. Be sure to get your copy of their Free 1 hour teleseminar “Keeping Romance Alive,” and find out how. Just go to ==>http://www.judithandjim.com

With every country now practically having multi racial communities it only makes sense that Interracial online dating services are gaining popularity. People dating, and getting married outside of their own race and religion are becoming more commonplace.

More singles are finding other races and religions interesting so this makes their partner of another race even more interesting. It gives them something more to learn about them. There’s an air of mystery when they first meet. Some single women find they get treated with more respect by a man of a certain culture. They get wined and dined more than when they were dating someone of the same race. Men find exactly the same with women from other cultures.

If you’re a single man or woman, and you’re looking to start a relationship outside of your own race an Interracial online dating service is a good place to start your search. There are hundreds of thousands of singles already there looking for someone, and that could be you. You can make lots of new friends as well in the chat rooms, on forums and through their blogs.

There are plenty of reviews online for Interracial online dating web sites. Once you have read these you should know the popular dating services that will get you the results that you want.

When you have chosen your service you can create your profile. This will then entitle you to a free trial. This will give you a feel for the dating web site before you decide to upgrade your membership. Usually on your trial you wont be able to initiate any contact apart from a flirt or a smile. That’s where having a good profile will help you as you will have a better chance of a premium member contacting you first. This will give you some interaction during your trial which will help you decide if it’s the service that you want to hand your money over to.

With so much variety an Interracial online dating service brings it’s a good idea to know what race of single you are looking for. And what you want in them as a person. This will save you a lot of wasted effort contacting the wrong singles. Their profile should be as descriptive as possible so you don’t have to ask too many questions that could have already been answered.

If you see a few singles you would like to contact then upgrading your membership will be a good idea. You will be able to send them e-mails instead of one-liner flirts. This makes your message so much more personal, and will give you a much better chance of getting a reply. The last thing you need is to stay on your trial period and watch singles getting taken by someone else. The price of a good service is cheaper than a night out for one months membership. When it comes to starting a relationship that’s not very expensive at all.

Once you have connected with someone all you have to do is start dating them offline. That’s when you start realizing how glad you are that you joined an Interracial online dating service.

Rather than limiting romance to things like expecting flowers or hoping she’ll seduce you aftet dinner, you can find romance almost anywhere when you look for it. Actually, anything that bonds your loving partnership more fully is a measure of real romance.

Yet all too often, rather than joining forces, both people vie for superiority, wrangle for control, spend most of their time trying to get more, more and ever more! And it’s too often money that’s used to divide and conquer rather than unite and prosper.

Instead, what if you started saving money, even if it’s only “play money” at first? Then you can use your joint efforts to support your desire for more fun and enhance the love you share.

One of our fun joint ventures is the “Helens’ Spring-Off” savings account we started before we were married. Both of our mothers’ names are Helen. We wanted a cash account for fun stuff — to spring off into lighter activities. So we got a big jug and we throw in our loose change, coins we find on the street, miscellaneous checks — like residuals from our old tv and movie work (the checks are often of the $14.86 variety!), birthday money and other odds and ends. We even toss in the difference between the regular price and the sale price for stuff we get at a bargain but would have paid the full amount if we had to.

We love seeing the money add up and we both enjoy contributing! We also relish the trips we take, or the fun antique we find while traveling — paid for with our play money in our Helens account!

If saving money together isn’t a fun idea, what fun venture can you create that you will both enjoy doing together — something that benefits each of you AND your relationship? Maybe you’ll become a work-out team and every time one of you doesn’t adhere to the schedule, then that person has to ????? — what? Make sure the “punishment” is as endearing as you can.

There’s no limit to the team efforts you can create that will both increase your intimacy, and also improve the future of your life together. Enjoy!

Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski share the secret of life-long romance. Be sure to get your copy of their Free 1 hour teleseminar “Keeping Romance Alive,” and find out how. Just go to ==>http://www.judithandjim.com