If you plan to search for your soul mate online like the 40 million other people in the world you should be aware of a few tips that will help you along the way. Internet dating is a fast, safe and very easy way to meet people, so what do you need to know?

First off when you sign up to a dating site you need to fill out your personal information, such as age, height and body type. Do yourself a favor do not lie! It’s useless to lie about yourself, likes, dislikes, occupation, etc… If you ever plan on actually meeting people in person from internet dating services, then be honest.

Photos are very important if you plan to get as many responses as possible. Men especially will search through profiles with photos only and contact people based on their appearance, so it’s important to have a photo. Post a recent photo of yourself, not one that was taken 10 years ago, this can be deceiving if your appearance has changed. Ladies watch your email inbox fill up if you put a photo on your personal ad. The amount of emails you will receive will amaze you.

Try not to jump into sex talk in your profile too much, unless you are on a site like Adultfriendfinder.com. People might be scared off if they think sex is your only reason to want to meet them. We are all sexual beings however keep the sex chat in the background in the beginning.

When you do find someone you are interested in take it slow! Send a few emails back and forth, chat on instant messenger then work up to a telephone conversation. Don’t ask to meet right away, and do not meet right away. You need to be smart and stay safe. When it comes time to meet in person, do so in a public place and take your own transportation. I’m not trying to scare you, it’s just important to be safe, while meeting people you know very little about.

Try not to discuss previous relationships as this is a big turn off for people. No one wants to hear about negativity especially when you are first getting to know someone. Be positive and your personality will shine.

If you have already starting searching through dating sites, you can see that their is an endless supply of men and women looking for casual dating , romance and marriage. It can be overwhelming to try to find something you like because now you have too many choices compared to the real world. Don’t get overwhelmed, this is easy to do. Write down what you are looking for and search for people who fit your requirements.

This might be a no brainer but do not ask someone to marry you when you first start corresponding with them. And don’t say that you love them or they are your soul mate right off the bat, this might not go over too well. You would be surprised at how many men do this! The bottom line use your common sense, be honest, take your time and have fun!

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In my work as a Marriage and Family Therapist most of my practice has been working with couples, because after experiencing divorce growing up as a child, and again after a ten year first marriage, I decided that my mission is to help people have successful marriages and families, and I thought the best way to do that would be as a marriage counselor. However, what I discovered over the years is that people generally make appointments with me when it’s almost too late; they’re on the verge of divorce or it might be a last resort, after there’s been a lot of irreversible damage done.

How relationships work and how to have a successful Life Partnership have always been fascinating mysteries to me. One thing’s for certain; times have changed and what used to work doesn’t work anymore. The biggest change in the past 30 years impacting relationships that I can see is that we have developed a need to be “happy”. This is a dramatic shift from our parents and grandparents who were quite satisfied surviving and achieving some measure of comfort and security. The need for happiness sounds very simple and innocent, but it’s the primary reason for failed relationships today, and the high divorce rate, single parent families, mental and physical health problems, juvenile delinquency, welfare, and so on.

While we seek to be happy in relationships, we don’t seem to know how. As a result I have seen many people make relationship choices and fall into traps that prevented them from getting what they want in their life, resulting in unhappiness and relationship failure. A trap is basically an unsolvable problem that results in unhappiness in a relationship. Getting out of the trap often means leaving the relationship.

When you’re single you can do a lot more than you realize to avoid these traps and prepare for a successful and lasting relationship, as you’ll see in this article.

1. Marketing Trap

Believing you need to make yourself more appealing to attract a partner and “selling” yourself with attractive packaging and presentation. High risk of disappointment and relationship failure as people discover that the excitement and promise of the “sizzle” conflicts with the reality of the “steak”.

Solution: Authenticity. You will attract compatible people when you show them who you really are. At the risk of mixing metaphors, “Birds of a feather flock together”, so don’t try to look like a prize-winning chicken when you are your own breed of duck!

2. Scarcity Trap

Believing there is a limited supply of possible partners, so you have to take what you can get or be alone. Results in relationship failure when you settle for less and compromise your Requirements. A self-fulfilling prophecy when you get less because you expect less.

Solution: Define your first choice of what you really want and persevere. Trust that if you apply yourself you can get what you really want in your life. You must be able to say “No” to what you DON’T want, to be available to say “Yes” to what you DO want. You have the power to choose who, what , where, when, and how, and can get what you really want if you make effective choices aligned with your Vision and Requirements.

3. Compatibility Trap

Assuming that if you have fun together and get along well, you are compatible and a committed relationship will work. Results in relationship failure when discovering the vast difference between a fun-focused, recreational ” dating” relationship, and a serious long-term committed relationship. Being so different, the process and criteria for choosing a recreational relationship needs to be very different from choosing a Life Partner.

Solution: When you are ready for a Life Partnership, define your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, and screen potential partners. Do not try to convert a recreational relationshipinto a committed one, unless 100% of your Requirements are met.

4. Fairytale Trap

Passively expecting your ideal partner to magically appear and live happily ever after without effort on your part. Believing that finding your soul mate will just “happen”. Results in disappointment when the frogs that happen to jump into your life don’t become princes.

Solution: Take personal responsibility for your relationship choices and outcomes. Have effective scouting, sorting, and screening strategies. Initiate contact and be the “Chooser”, don’t simply react to people that choose you.

5. Date-To-Mate Trap

Becoming an “instant couple” as if giving each person you date an extended test drive. Believing that if you develop an exclusive relationship with someone you are dating, a successful committed relationship will eventually happen. Other terms for this are “Serial Monogamy” and the “Mini-Marriage.. This approach is a costly use of time and emotional energy. The inertia in this trap is pressure to make the relationship work, attempt to solve unsolvable problems, and fit the round peg in the square hole because breaking up and being single again is an undesired outcome.

Solution: Date a variety of people and have fun without being exclusive. When you are ready for a committed relationship define your Requirements and use them as tools to scout, sort, and screen potential partners. Make a careful relationship choice and consciously use a “pre-commitment” period to determine if this is the right relationship for you.

6. Attraction Trap

Making relationship choices based on feelings of attraction. Interpreting a strong attraction to someone as a sign that the relationship is a good choice and “meant to be”. This approach results in relationship failure when unsolvable problems surface because you ignored the red flags while infatuated. Unconscious choices usually result in repeating unproductive past patterns.

Solution: Balance your attractions by defining your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, and screen potential partners. “Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of your happiness or misery.(H. Jackson Brown, Jr. from “Life’s Little Instruction Book”).

7. Love Trap

Interpreting infatuation, attraction, need, good sex, and/or attachment as Love. “If it feels good, it must be Love.” “Love is all you need.” “Love conquers all.” Results in relationship failure when you discover that love is not enough to meet your requirements and needs.

Solution: Make conscious relationship choices by defining your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, and screen potential partners.

8. Rescue Trap

Hoping a relationship will solve your emotional and financial difficulties and bring you happiness and fulfillment, something like winning the lottery. You avoid taking responsibility for your life challenges, expecting to be rescued from them. Results in desperation, neediness, and relationship failure when problems multiply instead of disappear.

Solution: Define your Vision for your life and relationship and “Live your Vision” as a successful single person. Resolve emotional, financial, and other problems prior to seeking a lasting committed relationship. Seek to be in a position of “choice” and “want” rather than “need”.

9. Co-Dependent Trap

Expecting someone to love you and give you what you want by giving them what they want. Attempting to earn love and happiness by acquiescing, giving and helping. Needing to be needed often results in unconsciously attracting and choosing a relationship with a person that needs you, but you later discover is unable to give you what you want.

Solution: Define your Vision and Requirements and choose a closely aligned partner. Learn to be assertive, identify and ask for what you want and need, identify and assert boundaries, and develop the ability to say “No”. Be the “Chooser” and cautious of people that choose you!

10. Entitlement Trap

Believing you deserve to be happy and get what you want in your life without effort or changes on your part. Results in relationship failure as you rely on your partner to bring happiness and fulfillment and inevitably experience disappointment. “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.”

Solution: Take personal responsibility for your life and relationship. Define your Vision and Life Purpose and live them when single.

11. Virtual Reality Trap

Believing that “what you see is what you get.” Making hasty long-term relationship decisions based on short-term impressions and inferences instead of actual experience and knowledge. Results in seeing what you want to see and relationship failure when later reality doesn’t match.

Solution: Assume “you don’t know what you don’t know” and stay in a “pre-commitment” stage until you have solid experience and knowledge that this is the right relationship for you.

12. Lone Ranger Trap

Believing that you don’t need anyone’s help in finding your Life Partner. You evaluate people you meet for their relationship potential and do not take the opportunity to cultivate new friends. Results in isolation, perception of scarcity of potential partners, and risk of settling for less than what you really want because you don’t want to be alone.

Solution: Develop a support network/community of friends of both genders and be supportable by enrolling them to scout for you.

Copyright 2006 David Steele

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking new book for singles Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World. http://www.consciousdating.com Visit http://www.ConsciousRelationshipResources.com for FREE live tele-seminars, recorded audio programs, podcasts, e-programs and newsletters for singles and couples packed with cutting-edge relationship information that will help you have the life and relationships you really want.

I looked in her eyes and I knew that she was in love with me. Her eyes told me that. I had asked him to meet me at five pm, and he was there at three thirty. I knew what was happening. His movements and his heartbeat told me all. I could see the fast steps that became faster when she reached me. I knew then. I was talking to him and he recited some old love poems he had written. He never made it appear as if the poems were written for somebody else. I knew that he was now reading them for me. Love, how to express love? Does it need any training? Or any books to read? Does love expression need any guidance about what to do and what to avoid? It is natural.

Love is a divine feeling. Love is not for ordinary people who suspect a motive everywhere. Love is not for moneymakers who want to look for an opportunity everywhere. Love is not for those who are looking for a body. Love is for those who are searching for a soul that will give them heavenly joy. Love is for those who want to talk in silence. Love is for dreamers. Love is for losers, because they lose themselves in love. Love is for one who forgets the world in love. Love is a supreme feeling.

Despite all I read about relationships, break-ups, marriages and divorces, when I look at a couple in honest love I see a divine sight. I forget all my worries for the moment. for I am watching what God created, but we polluted. i watch love, a very innocent love and i love that. Please fall in love and express it with your body and soul. Naturally. No books, no articles and no guides. Let your love flow, and your sweetheart will understand. That is love. Enjoy the bliss of love.

The author C.D. Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas at http://www.yourromanceguide.com/ on topics like love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for screen-savers and desktop wallpapers at http://www.screene.com/ on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, animals, etc. The third site associated with the author is http://www.yourfungames.com/ - it has free flash games which anyone can play online.

Invest in a paid membership
To experience the true magic of online dating, I suggest everyone to pay for their memberships. Free and trial memberships are beneficial when you are checking out all the different online dating services to find the one that will best match your requirements. So as soon as you find that site you are comfortable with, go ahead and make the most of it. The more you invest in your future, the brighter it will be.

Patience is the key
Don’t expect your Inbox to fill with hundreds of messages overnight. It can take a month, usually even longer to really experiment with all the goodies an online dating service has to offer. Give it a few days to get everything set up to the point that you are happy. To develop an online relationship will require just as much time and effort as a real world relationship would.

Be straightforward
Honesty is the best strategy, and not to waste anyone’s time, be particularly honest about the type of relationship you look for. On the other hand, always play it safe. It’s impossible to know what the person on the other side is really up to, until you meet in person a few times

Use your creativity
Impressive profile header is the best way of getting noticed. Creativity will make you stick out among thousands of other fish swimming around in the world of online dating. Don’t be afraid to try something new.

Pick the best photo
The first thing people see when they open a profile is photograph. It will be looked at even before any of the words you have written about yourself. If you really want to make an excellent first impression, consider hiring a professional photographer to capture the best and current images of you.

Control the conversation
It’s important that you remain relaxed and natural in your correspondence with someone you’ve connected with online. But you should also spice it up with a little bit of flirting by including some playful and positive words. Build up the parts of your life that are interesting. Make use of all the similes and winks to break the ice.

Use IM and the phone
You don’t have to be afraid to get out of the safe zone of sending and replying to email. Once you feel ready, you can expand the communication with your online friend by chatting in real time and even talking on the phone.

Don’t reveal too much
When you correspond, use generalities, not specifics. For example, you may tell your occupation, but never give the name of the company you work for. You should also hold back your last name, address, even the town in which you live. It’s just not necessary, especially early on.

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Recently I saw a post by a man on a forum saying that he was married for twenty-seven years, but still could not stop thinking of his wife all the time. He wanted to be with her and used to think of her even during work. Some people suggested that he should consult a therapist. Can you see the tragic question and the answers?

Here is a man who loves his wife after twenty-seven years. He has heard so much about martial fights and break ups that he thinks something is seriously wrong with him. It is like saying that I am healthy and don’t fall sick at all. Please advise. and some people may say, please go and meet a Doctor immediately to find out why you are not falling sick and please fall sick as early as you can.

We are living in a negative world. We are losing our balance of mind and our thinking ability. Why should we make ourselves as a number and wonder if we are not falling the statistical groups and results that predict doom for a marriage after twenty-seven years. The man should be rather delighted and thank god. His wife should feel very lucky and both should begin helping others keep their love alive for a long period. Such blessing is rare in today’s world. But it is the negative discussion about break-ups and divorces that make a sane person ask such questions.

The author C.D.Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas at http://www.yourromanceguide.com/ on topics like love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for screen-savers and desktop wallpapers at http://www.screene.com/ on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, animals, etc. The third site, the author writes for, is http://www.cupidecards.com/ - it has free romantic ecards for topics like i love you, i miss you, valentine’s day, love notes, etc.